Hey love <3
You are so strong love. Seriously, you are much stronger than you give yourself credit for. If you are handling all of this and crying to yourself, without leaning on anyone - you are strong! But love, that isn’t the only way to be strong, sometimes you need to break down and admit that you can’t do this all on your own, and lean on someone else. We aren’t always meant to be alone in this world, we are meant to be able to lean on someone and have them help us. Unfortunately, we don’t always have the option of having someone else there for us. Do you talk to anyone? (Your brothers or mom). If not, talk to them. Or you can lean on me. I know how it is to feel like everything is falling apart and not being able to go to anyone to help you - it’s awful feeling that alone, and I don’t want anyone to ever feel like that as long as they don’t need to. So, I’m here for you. Things do get better - I don’t know how or when, but they do. And sometimes you don’t even notice until you look back and compare now to then. (Sometimes it does get worse before it gets better, but don’t ever let that discourage you).
You might benefit with finding an escape. For me, I can escape into movies, art, books, and music when life is getting too much for me to handle. Do you have anything like that?
But love, please don’t ever give up. You are so much stronger than you realize and you have people to help you through this tough time - me included.
And I don’t know if you are religious at all, but your family and yourself are in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there and stay strong love <3