Hey love <3
To be honest this doesn’t seem like something you can just talk to about to a friend or family member about and it will go away, you might need to look into getting professional help - like a therapist. There is nothing wrong with seeing a therapist as long as it helps you recover. You are beautiful just the way you are, inside and out. You are amazing, stronger than you know, and just awesome. You are not a disgrace and you are not a wast - you are important and needed in this world. Suicide is never the answer, there is always an alternative. Nothing and no one will ever be worth killing yourself over - you are so important and the sadness will go away - you just might have to work a little harder than others will. But it will be worth it. Until you figure out if you would want to talk to someone about this or see a therapist, maybe one of these will help you: http://stopthepainnow.tumblr.com/post/23748001283/alternatives-to-self-harm
Please stay strong, love <3
